One of the things recommended for anyone turning 50 is to have a preventive colonoscopy.  I had a sigmoidoscopy done about 10 years ago, and that’s a completely different violation of the human body which can only be experienced to fully understand.  There is no pain with the colonoscopy, the discomfort is in the “prep”.  And I might also add, a liquid diet the day before the procedure no party, even though I could have milkshakes all day!

The day before your procedure and the morning of your procedure, you must chug a quart of liquid that tastes like, and has the thickness of, lemon fresh Joy dishwashing liquid. My brand was called MoviPrep. It is almost comic in its efficiency. About 45 minutes after the first 8oz gulp of this goop you think a volcano is going to erupt in your belly. And it does. Many times over the next hour. Then peace reigns, until assault part 2 begins the next morning!

After part 2, your colon is picked cleaner than Cindy Lou Who’s house on Christmas Eve after the Grinch got done with it! By the time I  was in Ephrata Hospital ready to be wheeled into the OR, I couldn’t wait to be put under by the anasthesia, because I was  so insanely hungry I pondered eating my own fingers!

God only knows what kind of jokes the doctor and staff are cracking while the roto rooter is trolling your intestines, because you are OUT. I remember rolling over on my side and then waking up in recovery about an hour later.

They found polyps, as they did 10 years ago. Almost 4 weeks since my colonoscopy and I haven’t heard anything about the diagnostics on the polyps. I’m mildy concerned about the polyps themselves, more concerned about the bill! Because I checked with my insurance carrier before the procedure. As a “screening” it’s at no cost as a provision of health care reform. However, if they find polyps, it’s diagnostic and the free part is thrown out the window. Or so I’m told, we’ll see.  I will report on it when I see it.

Did I mention I got my AARP card?

Nate’s birthday goodies were a big hit, and included a set of poker chips.  Poker chips?  Yes, he and I and sometimes Kate play a lot of Texas Hold ‘em.  It is a lot of fun, unpredictable of course and makes the kids think about risk, reward, bluffing and reading people.

He got a dartboard, and is quickly kicking my fanny in Double in, Double Out.  After playing with a 3 dollar mini nerf football in WalMart a 100 times, we finally got him one.  It’s the small one that looks like an arrow is stuck in it.  Much easier for him to throw a spiral with.  I had plenty of balsa wood planes as a kid, and got him one with the propeller and rubber band.  They still fly great!  Available with hundreds of other nicely priced gifts on Main Street in Ephrata at the Fun-Est Toy Store Ever.   http://www.thefun-esttoystoreever.com/catalog/index.php

As a surprise we took Nathan, his friend Trent and Kate to go swimming at the New Holland Rec.  It’s very nice there, but 5 minutes after getting in the pool they had to get out because the staff discovered someone had pooped in the pool.  Doody!!!!  They closed the pool for 24 hours.  We got a refund and free passes too.  Excellent customer service on their part!

Sadly, though predictably, Nathan learned the truth about Santa this year.  I think Kate learned in 1st grade too.  There’s always some know-it-all brat in school that has to ruin the fantasy.  Nathan asked Lori about it one day after school, and she had to tell him the truth.  He cried and was pretty upset for a little while.  Though by dinner he was over it, and had already figured out the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny were bogus too.  Sigh.

For the 2nd year we passed on the Elizabeth Farms Christmas Tree experience.  It’s fun, but 80 bucks for a tree is nuts.  Norka was short on Fraser fir, so we went to the old standby, Frysville Farms.  I think it was 35 bucks for a tree they cut down like 2 months ago…oh well.

Kate is suddenly hooked on Justin Bieber, whoever that is.  All she wants for Christmas is a cell phone.  We’ll see.

Been oh so busy.   Lori too.  God bless my Rotary pals.  A plea for anyone in need of part-time help turned into a 2nd job for Lori.  The hours with Scott Eaby work out great with her hours at Ephrata Hospital and all she does on the homefront.

Nathan succombed to arm-twisting by PawPaw to join Cub Scouts.  It meets every Monday night at 7, so long school is in session.  A parent is required to be there for each meeting in the first year.  Right now I’m racing from Kate’s soccer practice to get there on time. 

On the soccer front, Mondays, Wednesdays and Sundays, the “Girl Force” (G-Force) is 2-3.  We either get crushed or do the crushing, no nail biters. 

Tuesday nights is of course, Rotary.  Thank God I’m no longer the President!

But the big picture my friends is the realization a couple months back that it will take longer than expected to carve out a profitable niche in mortgage biz on my own here in Ephrata and Northern Lancaster County.  Thus I began seeking additional opportunities.  For anyone who has been displaced from their work (or is displeased with their work), you know what a frickin joke it is to find a decent job.  Good grief, and Lancaster County’s employment picture is supposed to be better than most in the country!

I must admit, this cock-eyed optimist has sorely needed lasik surgery to correct and balance his vision.   Heck, even The Boy Who Cried Wolf and Chicken Little both told me to shut the Fu## up with the ”We’ll be all rights” and “It’ll get betters”.   We will be all right and it will get better, but right now the Williams family is like a million others, just trying to get by and survive.  We last saved for a rainy day 10 YEARS ago, and you know how much it’s rained in a decade.

This blog is for friends and family and clients and people who stumble upon it.  I don’t have “tracking” software to let me know who saw it, so if you did, let me know, and pause to share a thought with a comment.  I write this to let the world know I’m challenged, and I’m okay with that.  Life is like the disclaimer that comes with investing in a stock or mutual fund, “past performance does not guarantee future success.”  Brian

As I pulled down the next row I saw a dude with a camera and bazooka sized telephoto lens.  Quickly surmising the situation, i rolled down my window and hollered, “Is that HER?”  (meaning Kate Gosselin of course!)  He said, “Yes!”

I drove back around, only to see her in her black Toyota SUV pulling out.  I called Lori and said, “I’ll give you one guess of who I just saw.”  She guessed it right away.

So, thinking the adventure was over, I parked by Penney’s and walked in the mall to go to Wachovia.  As I came out of the bank, who should walk right past, but Kate Gosselin.  I was confused, as I clearly saw her leave, but what the heck I followed her.  I got Lori on the line and start to give the play-by-play.  I readied my Flip video camera for anything that might be worth recording.

I don’t know why I expected her to have an entourage, but she didn’t.  She walked into the Hallmark store and I stayed out on one of the benches.  As she left I was back in pursuit.  She stopped to greet a fan before going out the Fountain Shoppes exit.  I went out and she was just hanging out by the shrubs near Williams Sonoma.  Another fan approached, so I figured what the heck, why not say hi!

“My wife and daughter watch your show ALL the time!”  I bellowed.

“Shhh!” She shushed me, “I’m trying to go unnoticed…I want to go over to Ann Taylor without causing a commotion.”

Just then another young girl came up and asked for an autograph.  KG pulled out an already signed publicity photo from her purse and gave it to the gushing fan.  I said, “You got any more of those?  My daughter’s name is Kate too, and she’d love one.”  She obliged, I thanked her and left her alone.

After this exchange, I called Lori, who was shopping at WalMart in Ephrata, and she immediately headed for Park City to see if she and our Kate could be part of the action.  They made it in there in record time and even went into Ann Taylor, but did not see her.

As I was headed back to my car, I stopped to talked to the paparazzi dude.  He’s from NYC and follows whoever in demand.  Security rolled up to tell him and his buddy to move along, just she was on her way to her car.

I had seen enough, but Lori & Kate actually followed the photo stalkers on the road as they trailed KG.  They tagged along all the way to Berks County before hanging it up.

We felt kind of “dirty” chasing her around, but it was irresistable.  It’s a national soap opera playing out on our stage, Lancaaster and Berks Counties, and since the opportunity was there, we played along.

Saturday Lori dragged me on a 5 mile walk up and down the streets of Ephrata Saturday morning.  I was so tired, I went back to bed after we got home.   It was good to rest, as we had a party to go to later.  The party was 5 couples and their kids, except ours!  As the night wore on we had a battle of the sexes playing charades, using words from Pictionary…For Kids!  Hilarity ensued, as several Coors Lights and the thrill of competition will make adults do anything.

Sunday we slept in.  Lori went to work as I went to open houses in Ephrata.  We skipped our respective diet plans and went to Friendly’s in West Lawn.  Then, I’m embarassed to say, we went driving through the twisting turning roads of Wernersville to find the Jon & Kate Gosselin house.  We found it!  Not a bad little shack.  Makes you want to have sextuplets…almost.

Nathan's Priceless Lawnmower

While cutting the grass last night Nathan had HIS lawnmower out.  He was sitting on his swing on the swingset, just kind of holding onto the lawn mower.  For the last couple years, he would occasionally mimic me as I cut the grass…you know, a boy pretending to do as his Dad does.

Before he said anything, I could tell he had cut his last blade of grass with that mower of his.  He’s my little man, but not THAT little.  It wouldn’t be cool to be seen walking around with a toy mower.  Not anymore.

Most times these gentle shifts and changes in my kids go unnoticed, as they transition from one thing to the next repeatedly and effortlessly, but this little moment tugged at my heart. My buckeroo continues to grow up, darn it!

I kind of choked up relating this story to Lori. 

Nathan was not so moved.  As I turned my mower off, he said, “Dad, I think I’m gonna sell this (his mower), I could probably get 3 bucks for it.”

I’m thinking the price may be a million times higher.

IT’S ME!!!

See the post below about my doctor visit.  I haven’t been to Mickey D’s in 4 weeks!

Saturday afternoon the manual labor was pleasantly put on hold, as Lori and I attended a reunion of her first team from Biggest Loser.  No one was counting calories at this bash!

Sunday was more man against yard.  Call it a draw.  I visited 5 Open Houses in Ephrata, to see what’s for sale  in town.  Still a buyer’s market my friends…giddy up.

Kate and Nathan played Guitar Hero for approximately 9 hours.  Kate only quit to watch the Jonas Brothers marathon on Disney.  Lori gleefully escaped the noise to go to work.  I napped through some of it, but honestly can’t recall Sunday night cuz my back and bones still ached.