The Joy of a Colonoscopy!
Oh what a blast it is turning 50! I hit the big 5-oh back in December. Three days after my birthday I had foot surgery to remove a planters wart from the ball of my left foot. Now, 6-7 weeks later it finally feels as good as new. This ends nearly 6 months of nagging pain with this stupid wart. But that’s another story.
One of the things recommended for anyone turning 50 is to have a preventive colonoscopy. I had a sigmoidoscopy done about 10 years ago, and that’s a completely different violation of the human body which can only be experienced to fully understand. There is no pain with the colonoscopy, the discomfort is in the “prep”. And I might also add, a liquid diet the day before the procedure no party, even though I could have milkshakes all day!
The day before your procedure and the morning of your procedure, you must chug a quart of liquid that tastes like, and has the thickness of, lemon fresh Joy dishwashing liquid. My brand was called MoviPrep. It is almost comic in its efficiency. About 45 minutes after the first 8oz gulp of this goop you think a volcano is going to erupt in your belly. And it does. Many times over the next hour. Then peace reigns, until assault part 2 begins the next morning!
After part 2, your colon is picked cleaner than Cindy Lou Who’s house on Christmas Eve after the Grinch got done with it! By the time I was in Ephrata Hospital ready to be wheeled into the OR, I couldn’t wait to be put under by the anasthesia, because I was so insanely hungry I pondered eating my own fingers!
God only knows what kind of jokes the doctor and staff are cracking while the roto rooter is trolling your intestines, because you are OUT. I remember rolling over on my side and then waking up in recovery about an hour later.
They found polyps, as they did 10 years ago. Almost 4 weeks since my colonoscopy and I haven’t heard anything about the diagnostics on the polyps. I’m mildy concerned about the polyps themselves, more concerned about the bill! Because I checked with my insurance carrier before the procedure. As a “screening” it’s at no cost as a provision of health care reform. However, if they find polyps, it’s diagnostic and the free part is thrown out the window. Or so I’m told, we’ll see. I will report on it when I see it.
Did I mention I got my AARP card?
Father’s Day 2011
It’s Father’s Day 2011. I became a father a week short of my 37th birthday. In my mind, a man at 37 is probably fairly well established in his chosen profession, and secure in all things financial. Three months after Kate was born, I was let go from my chosen field, little did I know at the time that I’d be out for good. Staying in broadcasting would likely have meant a move out of town, probably out of state. Been there, done that, and didn’t want to do it again, especially with a family in tow.
Unemployment gave me 6 months as a Mr. Mom and a special introduction to fatherhood. I certainly wouldn’t trade that time for another meaningless 6 months in radio.
12 years later a recurring theme is readily apparent. 12 years of work, selling beds, cars, loans and insurance have been fun and occasionally fruitful, but really…almost meaningless. Suffice to say I haven’t changed the world. All of the above was a means to an end, supporting a household.
Decisions on employment could be second guessed eternally, but the underlying consideration in all judgments was my kids. I wanted flexibility and freedom to be an active and willing participant in their lives. I work hard and enjoy work, but I am not a workaholic. After losing my own Dad at 13, I couldn’t bear the thought of being the guy who looks back on his life and wishes he spent more time with his children.
Those 3 am feedings and changing poopie diapers was not just for Lori. Bathtime and bedtime were playtime. If it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, it will be the piggyback rides that do me in. There’s pages of stories in my noggin between peek a boo and training wheels, and just as many from that first bike to the first lacrosse practice just 3 months ago.
I’ve made mistakes as a parent and would welcome some do overs, but that’s life. I guess my most sincere hope is that I’ve set a good example, as they learn so much more by seeing and experiencing than they do from hearing me lecture about life.
In 6 months I’ll turn 50. By then I’ll have a teenaged daughter and a 9 year old boy. Exiting college I imagined great things for a 50 year old Bri. I’d have logged decades ruling the radio dial from behind the mike in some major market. Perhaps I’d have retired triumphantly and gone into station ownership.
Alas, I’m just a guy making a living in Anywhere, USA. Yet I feel wealthy as hell, because I AM LUCKY TO BE A FATHER, SO BLESSED to have Kate and Nathan. Time invested in them always brings great returns. They are my pot of gold. So greetings from the end of the rainbow on another great day, that just happens to be called Father’s Day.