The Joy of a Colonoscopy!
Oh what a blast it is turning 50! I hit the big 5-oh back in December. Three days after my birthday I had foot surgery to remove a planters wart from the ball of my left foot. Now, 6-7 weeks later it finally feels as good as new. This ends nearly 6 months of nagging pain with this stupid wart. But that’s another story.
One of the things recommended for anyone turning 50 is to have a preventive colonoscopy. I had a sigmoidoscopy done about 10 years ago, and that’s a completely different violation of the human body which can only be experienced to fully understand. There is no pain with the colonoscopy, the discomfort is in the “prep”. And I might also add, a liquid diet the day before the procedure no party, even though I could have milkshakes all day!
The day before your procedure and the morning of your procedure, you must chug a quart of liquid that tastes like, and has the thickness of, lemon fresh Joy dishwashing liquid. My brand was called MoviPrep. It is almost comic in its efficiency. About 45 minutes after the first 8oz gulp of this goop you think a volcano is going to erupt in your belly. And it does. Many times over the next hour. Then peace reigns, until assault part 2 begins the next morning!
After part 2, your colon is picked cleaner than Cindy Lou Who’s house on Christmas Eve after the Grinch got done with it! By the time I was in Ephrata Hospital ready to be wheeled into the OR, I couldn’t wait to be put under by the anasthesia, because I was so insanely hungry I pondered eating my own fingers!
God only knows what kind of jokes the doctor and staff are cracking while the roto rooter is trolling your intestines, because you are OUT. I remember rolling over on my side and then waking up in recovery about an hour later.
They found polyps, as they did 10 years ago. Almost 4 weeks since my colonoscopy and I haven’t heard anything about the diagnostics on the polyps. I’m mildy concerned about the polyps themselves, more concerned about the bill! Because I checked with my insurance carrier before the procedure. As a “screening” it’s at no cost as a provision of health care reform. However, if they find polyps, it’s diagnostic and the free part is thrown out the window. Or so I’m told, we’ll see. I will report on it when I see it.
Did I mention I got my AARP card?